My Life

This is just basically me righting to vent so I figured I’ll post it.

Recently in my life a lot of shit has been going on. Some things I wish that weren’t going on. I found out my grandfather has throat cancer and is going to have to have chemo and radiation therapy. My whole life I thought these terrible things would never happen to anyone in my family because while it’s my family. I never thought my grandfather of all people would be the one to have cancer. I mean he’s my grandfather nothing bad could happen to him right? My inner childhood self was face with the truth about reality. These things do happen. These things happen to the people who we care most about. These things happen but why? I never understand how God could let these things happen to people who we care about. Of all people, my Pop, the Godliest person I know. But it occurred to be that God has no control of have evil things are on the earth because the earth is sinned. Ever since Adam ate that able what humans do and the evil things we do God can’t control. However, when we turn to God to help us with these evil things he can control that. He can help with healing, strength, and hurt. We can do all things in God who strengthens us. A scripture that means a lot to me now. Whatever journey my Grandfathers cancer story has, I know that I can trust in the Lord to take care of him. Just because cancer occurred in his life, doesn’t mean it’s over. I believe God is in charge.

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The Road Less Traveled.

Dear Readers,

So it’s been awhile since a made a post. I guess we could say life has been a bit crazy lately. Between the semester coming to an end and getting everything ready for finals, then actually studying for finals, and working and trying to maintain a social life, life has been real crazy. (I probably didn’t make that last sentence have correct grammar but I mean, it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want, right?) But anyways I just wanted to let anyone reading this know that I’m still here. Just had sort of post-pone on the blog writing. However, its summer now and I will hopefully have more time to write and take some photos of the adventures I go on this summer.

 

Now on to the actual blog post:

One of my favorite poems of all time is, “The Road Not Taken” By Robert Frost. I think I like this poem because I always believed in the originally of a person. I’ll explain.  When someone is born we don’t get to pick our names, or who our parents are, or who our family members are, and all that stuff. However, the older we get we do get to pick somethings. To me, I think we shouldn’t just follow everyone and make things easy for ourselves. I think we should pick the challenge and go outside our comfort zones because, we don’t start living until we step outside our comfort.

To pick the path less traveled by means to me that you should make your own path in life, don’t let others tell you what to do. Although it might be easy to just follow everyone else and try to just go on in life what people expect you to do. I’ve been doing this pretty much my whole life. I like to make people happy, and I like to just do what would make others happy. However, lately I learned that for me, I’m not the happy one in the end. I changed the way I do things because at the end of the day, what makes you happy comes from a lot of what you do with your life.

I’m not here to tell you what you should and shouldn’t do with your life, but from experiences don’t let others control your happiness because the only person who can make you truly happy is yourself. So take the path less travel, do that thing you thought you never could do, and step outside your comfort zone. You only get to live once, so pick the path less traveled.

“Two roads diverged in a wood,

and I—I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

 

Live in the moment. 

I haven’t written a blog post in a while because of life and being busy with work and school. However, through this stressful lifestyle of being a college student, trying to have a social life, and working but yet still being broke af I came to the realization that my life won’t always be this stressful and it’s only a short period of my life. I know at the time being it feels like forever. Some days I wish I could skip forward to where I’m done with school have a good job with my degree and have my own house and live with my husband and maybe possibility children. But that got me thinking. Our whole lives we wish for things and we never fully enjoy what is happening in the moment. If all we do is wish for things upon things we will never fully be satisfied with our lives and the current time we are living. Sure it would be nice to be able to jump to our ideal situation but then again we won’t be able to experience certain times in our lives. Like for example, living before we have to be actual real adults who work full time and pay a shit ton of bills and become soccer moms and whatever else we aspire to be. So for me, I should stop wishing for the future and live more in the present. I know it’s easier said then done but nothing worth it comes easy. 

P.s I wrote this on my phone so if my grammar is terrible that’s would be why. Sorry. 

The little things. 

When it comes to any aspect of life, I think most of us look at the big picture because that’s what we wish to accomplish. In some cases it might be the end point to a chapter and we are wishing for another new start. That’s the thing about life. If we keep wishing for something we will never enjoy the presents of what is going on right now; the small things that add up to the big picture. It’s kinda like a puzzle almost. If it wasn’t for the little tiny pieces, the ones that are shaped weird and awkward (the bad and upsetting parts of life) or the ones that are shaped nice (the great parts of life) there would be no picture at all. Each small pieces helps create a bigger overall picture, the one we look at when we are finished with the puzzle. That’s just like life, we gaze over the small things so we can go right to the big things. However, we should take more time when it comes to the small things. I’m a person who believes that the small things are what matters the most. For me if it wasn’t for the small reminders that I’m doing something great in my life I don’t know if I would have the strength to go on sometimes. But when you get these small things that remind you of where you are heading it’s great! I could go on about this but I’m just extremely thankful for the people in my life who remind me of the small things and why I’m heading for the big picture anyways. If these people are reading this, you guys mean the world to me. Everything you do I’m beyond grateful for. If it wasn’t for them I wouldn’t have picked up writing again or be enjoying the small things in life. So thanks, for helping me find what life’s truly about, the small things rather then wishing for better things to happen.




(Just some of the little things I’m grateful for.)

To Write Love On Her Arm.

Since today is Thursday I thought I would throw it back to my high school days when I took a class called speech and creative writing. This was a poem at the time related to my life a lot. 

So a blast from the past; 

To write love on her arm

A poem by yours truly. 

To write love on her arms;

I write love on her arm to show her that love is in the air.

I look at her scars and tell her she’s beautiful and never want to leave her.

I look at her and think “god, you’re the most beautiful girl in the world to think that I have the best gift and it’s her. It’s always gonna be her”.

I look at her and tell her she’s beautiful in hopes that one day she will look at her scars and think the same thing too. In hopes that maybe one day she’ll realize that life is worth living and that todays the day.

Today’s the day I tell her I love her more than life. I can’t live without her. I can’t possible do anything without her. 

Today’s the day I think to myself that life is worth living. 

That the reason I’m here is for you. To help you get by. To help you learn that love is in the air. 

That we can walk together on this road hand in hand. The path is long but our legs are strong. 

Together we can fight anything.

 Today I look at her scars and tell her she’s beautiful.

Today she looks back at me and tells me she is. 

You are beautiful. 

To think about ourselves in this society is a little bit selfish. But however, with all these new “get fit” programs it’s common to see people going to the gym. 
But why? 

Is it because we think we are fat? 

Or because we compare ourselves to others? 

It might be all these reasons. 

At least once in our lives we compare ourselves to someone. If it’s from the way they perform highly while you don’t, or just the wonderful looks we think they have that we don’t. As for me, I believe that with time and positive actions we can believe just how truly beautiful we are.

Years of being told that you aren’t good enough, or your breast are rather small compared to the average girl your age is a terrible concept to be involved in. 

However, we don’t always get the easy way out of life. But overtime, I came to the conclusion that if we don’t love ourselves how can we expect someone else to? 

We must first love ourselves in order to allow someone else to. We have to love every part of our bodies including the scars so that someone else can as well. When we find this person it’s easy to believe just how truly beautiful we are. This person allows us to see what we can’t see in ourselves as well. 

So for me, I no longer fully hate how I look. But the struggle is still very much there. 

Luckily, I have found someone who makes me feel beautiful inside and out. And yes, he enjoys every part of me. Inside and out.

But to get to this wonderful thing, we have to accept ourselves for us and if we don’t like it, we have to be willing to change that. Body image can make one better. 

But overall, we have to learn to love ourselves in order to allow others to love us, including our bodies. 

Emotional Abuse

I’m not one to share things about my personal life but I wrote this in hopes that this is no longer a topic that is left pushed under the rug. Emotional abuse is very real and it’s a topic that should be talked about.

-Dallas 

Look me straight in the eye and tell me emotional abuse isn’t real. Do it. I dare you. 

Emotional abuse is very much real. 

Emotional abuse is very much real. I would know. I put up with it for a little over a year and a half. But why? 

Why would someone put up with something so terrible for so long?

That’s the thing. It’s much more complicated then just getting up and leaving. 

Why stay?

Love. 

Not the love that is true love. The love that I thought was real love. The love that I accepted because that’s what I thought I deserved at the time; but wasn’t love at all. Love isn’t lowing your standards because they make you feel so insecure about yourself that you think no one will ever find you attractive, let alone your own self. Love isn’t being told that you can’t hang out with your friends because “I’m taking away our time.” Love isn’t looking me straight in the face and telling me that furthering my education is pointless because women shouldn’t be anything other then wives. Love wasn’t any of these things.

I was young and dumb. Maybe I let all these things happen because he showed interest and for once I felt like I belonged somewhere. Don’t get me wrong, at the beginning I was happy and everything was great. But as time went on, it only got worst. Every fight would somehow be my fault. It was somehow acceptable for him to call me names that someone who claimed to “love you” should never say. I could never just hang out with my friends without him not being there. But it was okay for him to hang out with his. I could never have a conversation with any male even if it was the waiter at a restaurant without him accusing me of flirting or cheating. It was perfectly okay for him to talk to any female he wanted to. Dates turned into him texting girl after girl. But yet somehow me being angry and upset was still my fault because I didn’t give him what he wanted. 

He pointed out all my flaws like it was a joke. He told me I was acting too sensitive when I told him it hurt. 
He controlled every aspect of my life to the point that he didn’t even like that I would answer my moms text while we where out. If I didn’t answer him within 5 mins he would text me nonstop until I answered because I might be doing something he didn’t approve. Everything I did he had to approve. 
I fell deep, into a dark place. I wasn’t happy, I was so far from happy I didn’t even know what that word meant anymore. I changed myself. 
Things didn’t work out because “women shouldn’t go to college and try to make a future for themselves”.

It took time to find who I was again. Time to figure out what love really meant. Time to heal. 

Looking back, I’m glad things didn’t work out. 

I am overall a stronger person now. I know how I should be treated and that I am not an object, I’m a person.  I deserves someone who treats me with respect. 

Emotional abuse isn’t something to joke up. Emotional abuse is very much real.

So I ask again, tell me emotional abuse isn’t real. 

Do it. 

I dare you. 

A Step In The Right Direction.

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